Who the Heck is Pujols?

I don’t get it, have I been in a coma the past few years or just too old timey? Who is this guy Albert Pujols? I keep hearing about how he is one of the greatest hitters, yet he’s only been in the league for a few years. Personally, I do think he is a good hitter, defender, and seems like a swell guy, but he is no Bambino. That simple. The Babe. Need I say more? The best player in baseball history, hands down. Hell, he had a dadgum curse named after him that lucky bastard. Who else can say that? He was traded to help payoff a friggin’ Broadway play that never went anywhere. He was one of the best pitchers of his time before he started playing the outfield. Then he became the best hitter of all time. He would point out is own shots, although I personally like to think he was pointing at me since I was in the “bleacher bum” that day. He may not have had a great speech like his buddy Lou, but he has an enormous monument where he is buried. Pujols? Forget him! I don’t see him pitching to anyone. I don’t see him calling any homers. He was never traded for a Broadway play (good call on the part for St. Louis). But most importantly, I don’t see him downing a dozen hot dogs and a pint or two of booze before going to bat. Only the Babe was good enough to do that.