Who the Heck is Pujols?

I don’t get it, have I been in a coma the past few years or just too old timey? Who is this guy Albert Pujols? I keep hearing about how he is one of the greatest hitters, yet he’s only been in the league for a few years. Personally, I do think he is a good hitter, defender, and seems like a swell guy, but he is no Bambino. That simple. The Babe. Need I say more? The best player in baseball history, hands down. Hell, he had a dadgum curse named after him that lucky bastard. Who else can say that? He was traded to help payoff a friggin’ Broadway play that never went anywhere. He was one of the best pitchers of his time before he started playing the outfield. Then he became the best hitter of all time. He would point out is own shots, although I personally like to think he was pointing at me since I was in the “bleacher bum” that day. He may not have had a great speech like his buddy Lou, but he has an enormous monument where he is buried. Pujols? Forget him! I don’t see him pitching to anyone. I don’t see him calling any homers. He was never traded for a Broadway play (good call on the part for St. Louis). But most importantly, I don’t see him downing a dozen hot dogs and a pint or two of booze before going to bat. Only the Babe was good enough to do that.

Big Deal, Move On

What’s the big ruckus over all the stuff that went on this past weekend? Some guy throws a no-hitter for the first time in the team’s history, the Mets and Cardinals play a twenty inning game, and the New York friggin’ Yankees are being compared to Jesus again. The no-hitter? Yeah, it was special and what not, but it was no as special as all those yutzes make it sound. To no hit a team means no one on the opposing team gets a hit. However, the pitcher walked six guys in the game! Congratulations on making it a risk for your team to lose. Now a perfect game is what is amazing. There have only been eighteen total perfect games. That’s right, eighteen, with a big fat 1 followed by an even larger 8. That is 27 men up, 27 men down, no one reaches base. Compare that to the 264 no hitters in baseball history. That averages to almost two no hitters per season. That equals out to about one perfect game every ten or eleven years. Pop quiz hot shot, what’s a more amazing feat, the no hitter or the twenty inning game? The correct answer is the twenty inning game. There have only been 42 games to ever go into twenty innings. Five of them ended in a tie. Even more amazing, or sad depending on how you look at it, both teams were scoreless for the first 18 innings. The no hitter? Pssh, I spit on that. The never ending game, it is more impressive, but went way past my bed time.

Opening Day

What’s the big idea with everyone making a huge deal of the first week of the season? Yeah, I know baseball has been gone since October, but it is only the first week of the season. Too many youngin’s are hyped up over a bad start by teams that played in the post season last year. Too many critics are yelling about how good players start in “slumps.” Most of all, even though it is exciting, the first game of the season needs to be tuned down a notch. I enjoy how they announce both teams as they line up on the foul lines, now that’s classy, but is an over sized flag really needed? Do you really need to get a flag that covers the entire outfield? The flag always hits the ground, which is never supposed to happen. So while you’re standing there in your thick, hot uniforms trying to be patriotic, YOU’RE NOT! Dadgum young people and you’re ways of “celebrating big occasions.” To me, it’s just another game. The excitement is there, but you’re interrupting my sleeping schedule with all those military planes flying overhead. Its bad enough I have to see all of you walking around and making the city streets congested, but now you spend boat loads of money just to see a plane fly over head. Here’s an idea for ya, GO TO AN AIR SHOW! Like I said before, you darn young people and your “hip” ways. Why don’t you stop spending my tax money and go get a job! There is no need for all that hoopla going on in my neighborhood.